Stop Complaining If People Have Baby Showers For Every Baby (Featured Blog: ScaryMommy)
Baby showers are fantastic, and for many of us they are necessary when we have our first baby. My mother and sisters threw me my first baby shower–a nice spread in my mother’s backyard on a July evening. I was surrounded by coworkers, my best friends, in-laws and loads of love and carbs.
I sat for over an hour amongst balloons and streamers and opened gifts. I didn’t just get everything I needed, I got everything I wanted — so much so that my heart was bubbling over with gratitude like so many other women have felt after their baby shower.
But then, what the hell happens when you get pregnant again? You are running around pregnant chasing after a toddler and deemed greedy if you’d like to be thrown another sprinkle — which you totally deserve, by the way. In fact, the second pregnancy is when we need a baby shower, and an afternoon with adult conversation, more than ever.
And here’s why:
1. After the first born, life changes drastically for Mama.
Let’s face it, when you are pregnant the first time, you can come home from work, or call in sick, and put your feet up and rest. You can sleep in on a Saturday and not have to drag your toddler to his soccer game when you are vomiting every hour from morning sickness.
Then for the second (or third or forth) pregnancy that is stripped away, and we have to push our way through life. Now is not the time to say women don’t deserve to be celebrated for enduring this so please pass the crustless sandwiches and veggie tray.
2. It doesn’t have to be a big extravaganza.
It doesn’t have to be an over-the-top celebration (but it can be because anyone who gets pregnant again after going through it once deserves the hell out of a big-ass party). Some cheese and crackers and a gift the mother and father will enjoy after the baby has turned their life into a shitshow is perfect, like a coupon for baby-sitting or a gift certificate to get take out.
3. You don’t have to attend.
I mean, parties are optional, right? If it’s too much for you to go see a pregnant woman open gifts and stuff her well-deserving face full of cake and hand over a small gift, then decline and don’t go. Just remember how you felt (or may feel) when you were pregnant with other kids under your feet all the time with zero time for yourself and people said you should be all set and don’t need a party because “you had one for your first.”
4. A baby shower shouldn’t be a one-and-done kind of a party.
It doesn’t seem fair that the first born gets all the new shiny stuff. While some things can be passed down, have we forgotten babies shit and vomit all over everything and can do more damage to a car seat than a cat who still has their claws?
5. Welcoming a baby into the world deserves to be celebrated each and every time.
Not just to recognize the newborn babe, but to acknowledge the person who will be birthing and caring for that child. I felt I deserved a damn parade complete with an endless supply of blueberry pancakes and bacon after I had all three of my kids. But maybe that’s just me.
6. It’s a party, what’s your problem?
Drop the “they already got a shower and it’s too much work/trouble/money and they don’t deserve another one.” Go with a good attitude, split a gift with a friend, eat too many mini-quiches, and wear your favorite dress. When did that become such a chore?
7. The pregnant woman in your life will never forget it.
For my second pregnancy, my mom and sisters took me out for fried food and handed me a gift certificate to my favorite spa. Four months later, after I’d given birth to my second child and I was knee-deep in a pumpkin scrub getting the best pedicure of my damn life, and just as grateful as I was after that first shower. I was barely awake but I remember thinking, Women need a shower for every pregnancy, not just the first one because I am in heaven right now and I barely recognize my relaxed self.
My point is, I was aware it was my second pregnancy and I didn’t really need anything but the gesture was so special and so needed while I was trying to mother my kids, I will never, ever forget. To this day, it’s been one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.